All That It Takes

You know,
I break apart countless of times. But I keep it silent every time - most of the time. Yes, some people might think I had had enough. But actually, I am still gasping for air to make it look just 'enough'.
I do't know about you, but am pretty sure little did I know about my self, me.

From my deepest sorrow, I was crawling to get my life closed together. I lose myself all the time, but hopes put it all in tack. I admit, I envied some people that have someone that they can called as friends, bestfriends,close friends etc. Meanwhile, here I am most of the time losing faith in humans. Prior to what I've experienced. The wounds between my soul and body were never really healed. But then i realised that I still have some to call mine - they just not as physically as yours.

I woke up each morning with a little heart break as I was thinking, who else wanted to just walked out of my life?. Am I that paranoid? - I guess it could be. Things were never as pretty as when I dolled up.

Yes. I fall apart. Real hard. I observed my surroundings. I saw some happy familiar faces. I smiled. I was hoping I can do it sincerely - the smile.

This heart break never really go away. Even how many times I tried. Am I that ego? or maybe just maybe the hurts were just too much? I don't know. I cannot differentiate between them both.

I am dying of faking my happiness. Not all the time but most of it. There were always genuinely happy moments in my life. I just wished I can create more of it. I wish that my wish will come true, soon.

You never really walked in my shoes and I barely walked in yours. I bet no one wanted to. Mine are full of thorns and broken glasses. I walked the shoes filled with my own blood throughout my life without knowing how badly my feet were.

A second I say, I am tired.
Another second must I say, I'm grateful of what had happen, at least it probably shows just how strong I am.
Literally.